Often social anxiety comes down to a feeling that they are somehow inadequate or that what they say isn’t worth as much as what others say. People opt not to speak because they worry that what they say will be ‘stupid’. At the same time they worry that they might stutter or stumble over their words and so not get their point across properly. That people will figure out that they’re nervous and get bored waiting for them to t-t-t-t-talk…

One quick and easy way to improve the clarity of your speech as well as your vocabulary is to talk more slowly. The slower you talk the more time you’ll have to think about the next thing you’re about to say. It will also help you to project your voice more and you’ll instantly sound clearer, deeper and more confident.

However if you’re in your own head and worrying about stuttering then you’ll find this hard to do as you naturally speak more quickly when you’re nervous. Ironically it’s worrying about getting a stutter that will give you a stutter. So how do you get out of your own head enough to slow down and speak more confidently?

In cognitive behavioral therapy, patients are told to use what is known as ‘hypothesis testing’. Here you test the results of doing whatever it is you’re anxious about in the hope that you find your concerns are unfounded. Interestingly though, it may actually be more useful if you find that you do say something stupid or stutter outrageously. The reason for that is that you’ll this way test the worst case scenario and learn in the process that there’s nothing to be worried about. When teaching gymnasts to backflip on a crash mat, teachers get them to purposefully land badly on their neck or back in order to teach them that they will be okay and eliminate the fear (because again, it’s being worried about backflipping that will make you pull out and hurt yourself mid way).

One way you can test this is with strangers. Strike up conversation in a shop, bar or a coffee shop and don’t worry at all about what you say or how you say it. In fact, try talking as strangely as possible about as dull a subject as possible. You’ll never see them again so it doesn’t matter and it’s just an experiment. What you’ll find though, is that they treat you just as anyone else. Politely and without drawing attention to your faults. That’s human nature.

You see everyone is too busy worrying about how others see them to be able to judge everyone else. You see they are worried about how you’ll react to what they say. If you needed any more proof that you’re just as valuable and valid a human being as they are – there it is.

 That’s not all exercise is about however. If you train regularly you’ll soon find that it effects you in ways that you wouldn’t have expected. Training your body is something you can do regularly that has a visible and practical effect. Over time you will see that you’re directly controlling an aspect of yourself. Every time you go to the gym you come away a little bit better than you were before you go in and that’s one productive thing you’ve done that day. Even more, when you’re in the gym, trying to run an extra mile on the treadmill or lift an extra 10kg on the bench press, you’re testing yourself and coming out better. You’re challenging yourself and overcoming it on a daily basis – over time you’ll learn that you can do the same in any aspect of your life. Working out is a truly life affirming activity that can help you to grow both mentally and literally physically.

 Working out will also increase your mood, and so your self esteem, in other ways too. The actual act of working out causes you body to release the feel good hormone serotonin. On top of that it also leads to neurogenesis, the birth of new brain cells. In short training will lift your mood and improve your cognitive performance both immediately and over time.

 To begin training then you need to assess your current condition. If you’re currently over weight you need to be doing large amounts of CV (cardiovascular…that’s aerobic exercise such as running or sprinting) and cutting your caloric intake. If you’re currently very thin you need to do the opposite – using fewer repetitions of a heavier weight while increasing the amount of protein you eat (that’s meats and dairy products). You can even take either a protein shake or a weight gainer to supplement your diet. Similarly to lose weight you need to train more regularly – about five times a week, but to get stronger and larger you need to train more heavily and less often to give your muscles time to recover and build.

 To begin with you can train using a simple full body routine. While ‘split’ routines and the like are more conducive to training when you’re more advanced, to start with you need to get your body used to training. Each session should last about forty minutes, and each exercise should consist of three sets – that means you lift the weight how ever many times, take a rest then repeat for three sets. Once you begin to see progress start reading into the process in more detail and learn the tricks and techniques used by the pros. Congratulations, you’re on your way to a body that you can be proud of.

If you’re a woman you have the benefit of being able to enhance your features with makeup (men, skip this paragraph). This means using foundation to cover up spots and blemishes and blusher to bring a bit more color to your cheeks. Often those who are a little shy will try to dress and apply makeup minimally so as not to draw attention to themselves, however this can end up making you look bland or as though you’re ‘not trying’. If you get professional advice on how to do your makeup you can maximize your good features and up your sex appeal even if you can’t aid your natural beauty. A professional from somewhere like ‘color me beautiful’ will tell you not only which colors suit you best, but also what your best features are. Normally you will be told to focus on either your eyes or your lips, depending on which is your stronger feature, and then apply the heaviest amount of makeup here to draw the eyes to your assets and away from your flaws. So if you have nice lips you might be advised to use some bright red lipstick to make them look fuller and more inviting, while if you’re strongest feature is your eyes you might be recommended to use a heavy eye shadow or eye liner to make them stand out. Generally it’s best not to go to heavy on both as you can end up looking like a porn star or as though you’re just trying too hard, and while your colors should be bold they shouldn’t look as though you’re wearing face paint – natural looking colors that suit your skin tone are to be advised.

Both men and women should also make sure they groom properly. For women that means removing any stray facial hairs and moisturizing regularly. For men that again means moisturizing to be rid of dead skin as well as trimming their nasal hairs and ear hairs which can be very foul if neglected. At the same time use whitening toothpastes and maybe even specific whitener to give your teeth a glow.

If you genuinely don’t have any facial features you’re proud of you can also help yourself along the way with colored contacts. If you find a pair that aren’t obviously fake it can give you startling eyes that can override the rest of your face. Alternatively, a nicer set of glasses or a cool pair of sunglasses can improve your face and make you look intelligent or cool depending on your desired look.

Basically the take home message is not to give up on your looks. As long as you put effort into your appearance and ask friends for honest advice, you’re never going to be a train wreck. There’s nothing wrong with cutting a few corners or using a few sneaky tricks to improve the way you look and if you look good, you’ll feel good.

First, appearance needn’t necessarily mean your face, and for many men in particular low confidence can stem from not being as tall as they’d like to be. Even if this isn’t a particular source of contention for you, adding a bit of extra height will automatically help you to feel more confident as you look down on people, or at least look at them at eye level, rather than constantly looking up. But it’s impossible to make yourself grow taller right? Well yes and no. Basically, rather than actually growing taller yourself, you can make yourself appear taller by investing in insoles that increase your height. If you type into e-bay ‘tall insoles’ you’ll find several products along the lines of what you’re looking for. These only cost a little and can be easily slipped inside your shoe… then adjusted to be taller or shorter (up to around four inches). Four inches of extra height if the shoes you’re wearing allows it take you from a shortish five nine to a fairly tall six foot one. If you combine this with fairly large shoes you can be really rather tall. For women the same can be true of high heels, and as an added bonus these also make women stand up taller and improve their gait and stride – you can’t shuffle in heels.

For men bulking up will also make you more imposing and as you generally fill up more space you’ll feel more commanding and confident. Try eating large amounts of protein along with regular exercise and work in particular on your chest and shoulders to create an imposing silhouette. It’s hard to feel insecure when you’re over six foot and covered in muscle. At the same time men who are conscious about their weight should make sure to do a lot of CV and avoid fatty foods to get themselves feeling leaner and less chubby – perhaps you need to take up less space. Likewise for women, toning your abs and tightening your behind can make you feel sexier and again improve your silhouette. To help you along the way you can always use underwear that holds in the fatter areas and plumps out the bits that need plumping. Girdles and corsets are the best known but you can also get pants that support your bottom. Girdles also exist for guys and while it may be a bit embarrassing, they can at the same time make you feel more confident when you’re out and about – no one need know!

I’m not among those people who would swap lives, however…as I’m perfectly happy with mine. That doesn’t mean I don’t admire features in him, but I realise that other people probably admire features in me. I, like them, have been given all the tools I need to be able to become whatever I want to be. So rather than wishing I was more like someone, my time would be much better spent actually working towards becoming more like them in that area. I can pick the best assets of every person I admire and mimic them, and once you’ve learned those skills you’ll appreciate them far more. Want to be fitter? Get a gym membership. Want to be more charismatic? Spend more time with other people and develop your posture and conversational style.

See these setbacks not as something to get upset about, but as challenges. Imagine you’re in the film Rocky – a montage starts and you train until you’re great at the things you want to be great at. I used to wish I could trade my life with celebrities who’d already found success and love – but the thrill is all in the chase. You’re a work in progress and if you work your way up to the top you can enjoy it properly with the sense of perspective that it required to get there. The minute you start working towards a goal like this you have purpose and a goal and you’re not a ‘nobody’ anymore. You’re a work in progress with grand dreams…

So that’s one reason that I can’t understand where low self-confidence comes from. If you’re unhappy with an aspect of yourself, then change it. But the other reason I can’t grasp the concept is that I wonder who these guys are measuring themselves against, or what counts as being ‘successful’ or ‘worthwhile’. The thing is, no one knows what the point of life is, so how can anyone tell you you’re not doing it right? Someone who’s earned no money might consider themselves a failure, but if they have lots of friends and family and have lead a full life then who can tell them that? So long as you pursue what you enjoy it doesn’t matter if you’re ‘successful’.

Furthermore, no one should judge anyone else on their behavior because they can’t really know what’s going on in that person’s life. If you’re acting unusual perhaps you have good motivation too? Perhaps there is method to your madness? Or perhaps you’re experiencing trouble in your personal life. The real point is not to defer to the approval of others and not to let it control you. Only you can judge the value of what you do. Follow your own beliefs in your own way and you will be successful in your own eyes.

So dressing well can make others believe you are successful and can make you feel successful too. When I was doing my finals I heard that many of my friends were putting on their best clothes to make themselves feel good while doing them – this was good advice but really they should have been taking this kind of care all the time. Don’t just look the part though – act the part, and over time by mimicking the actions and behavior of someone successful you’ll start to pick them up as habits. Wish you spoke more clearly and slowly? They forcibly put that voice and manner on and over time you will develop it as your normal behavior.

CBT practitioners then have devised various methods that you can use to combat these problems. One of the most commonly used of these is actually borrowed from meditation and is known as ‘mindfulness’. Here patients are instructed to find a quiet place and to sit down with their eyes closed. Much like in meditation they are then instructed to reflect on their inner thoughts. This doesn’t mean that they should attempt to clear their minds however…instead they are instructed to merely ‘watch’ thoughts as they pass by without engaging in them, merely observing the content of their brains as they might watch clouds passing in the sky. This way they can identify the kinds of things they are thinking and in particular any destructive thoughts they might be having.

As patients get better at this they are supposed to be able to do it during day to day activities and then intervene; spotting the negative and damaging thoughts and seeing them for what they are. Most negative ruminations are illogical and even if they aren’t they certainly do more harm than good, so learning to spot them and then put an end to them is a valuable skill. Similarly to aid in this culture of mindfulness, patients are asked to keep diaries of their thoughts and activities – then to read them back and see how anything they’ve said or done could be disruptive to their self image.

You can also counter these negative thoughts with positive ones, utilising ‘positive self talk’ to reaffirm your worth. Here you should make sure to focus on your good point, and to remember compliments you may have received in the past. Instead of telling yourself you’re fat constantly, replace this with reminders about your nice eyes or straight teeth. You’d be surprised by how affective this can be.

Patients are also told to practice ‘hypothesis testing’, where they are encouraged to test their false hypotheses hopefully realizing that they are unfounded. For example, if a patient is scared to speak in public because they are concerned they’ll stutter and fail, then they are encouraged to actually try speaking in public to find out if this is in fact the case. More often than not they’ll find it isn’t. This also works to prevent over generalisation and again as a way to counter any negative associations they’ve developed.

So if you’re suffering from low self-esteem then you might want to try applying these principles to your life. Make sure you continue to go out and to challenge yourself, even if you genuinely are less than skilled at what it is you want to achieve this is the only way you are going to improve. Becoming reclusive will only give you more time to ruminate and send you into a downward spiral. Similarly, surround yourself with positive friends and colleagues and try to focus on the good aspects of what you do. Support yourself with positive self talk and try to catch yourself having negative thoughts and stamp them out. If this still doesn’t work then it’s perhaps time to seek help from a professional who can talk you through the process.

Behavioral therapy to cure such associations involves ‘reassociation’. This would mean teaching yourself to learn that putting yourself out on a limb can lead to positive outcomes too. You might achieve this by going to lots of social settings that you know you’ll enjoy, or by trying lots of new things that you think you’ll be good at. You should also make sure you surround yourself with positive people who will compliment and encourage you rather than put you down. This way you will also be getting constant reinforcement that you’re a worthwhile and capable person.

Since behaviorism though, psychology has moved on realizing that there is a conscious aspect in many of our problems. This is the crucial contribution that CBT makes by introducing a cognitive aspect to our brain and to our anxieties. In the case of problems like low self esteem, the cognitive aspect could be negative ruminations where you think about how everything will go wrong, negative self talk or talking yourself out of doing things.

Initially, make an effort to spend time with confident people. Their vigor and strength can be so inspiring that you will surely feel yourself more powerful just by listening to their talk. To build confidence, it is vital that you are in the midst of self-assuring people. This will help you derive great confidence from them. All you have to do is ask them for good confidence tips.

Secondly, make sure that you find a mentor. All successful people have mentors in life, those who can efficiently guide you, advise you and also offer some confidence tips. The person can help you considerably and you can taste success more quickly than you ever imagined. Two minds are always better than one.

Try to understand that confidence is just a feeling. Think about all the situations where you have felt confident. Such positive thoughts can make you confident in future. Sit down for a few minutes everyday and analyze the happenings during your day. Imagine all the things that make you feel certain. This can boost your morale and make you even more poise.

List all your reasons to be confident. Try and list all the qualities that have helped you to be confident today. Include your victories, skills and also mention about your goals. After you have done this you will see how powerful your analysis can be. It will make you feel even more confident.

The most important confidence tip can be preparation. Continuous preparation makes you perfect and you attain confidence. Have you ever watched a sportsman playing effortlessly or stars performing live on stage? How do they give such a flawless performance? Preparation makes you more and more perfect. It is necessary that you keep honing your skills to achieve perfection and this automatically will augment your level of confidence.

Self-comparison is another key to enhance your confidence. Learn to compare your progress in life with respect to your previous results. Look at other successful people and learn not to measure just your success. When you put in more efforts on the daily improvement of your individual skills and capabilities you can grow very rapidly and your confidence will surge.

Confidence without capability is a perilous combination. It is necessary that you only engage in self-comparison when you are assessing your development. By doing this you will make it easier when the going gets rough and your proficiency will grow day-by-day.

Reading these confidence tips will surely make you feel better. But remember that you must use these confidence tips to see results. It’s necessary to implement all these tips in your routine life to derive more success. So start using these tips right away.

There are a few people who are very self confident, but do not succeed in life. There are many who possess self-confidence naturally, which they use effectively in whatever they do. Initially, there were no such techniques to help people boost their confidence. However, today the scenario is different and one can gain confidence with the help of hypnosis. Yes, it is true that with hypnosis you can learn and build a sense of confidence. Hypnosis is nothing but a state of mind that let’s you focus on something specific, while you relax. With the help of hypnosis, you can guide your mind to be confident. Your subconscious mind is an inner net working place, where long term changes could be brought about even without your knowledge.

You can either practice hypnosis yourself to look confident or opt for a trained professional, who will help you gain confidence with the latest techniques. Once your mind is focused, the expert will guide you to be confident and let you practice few exercises to gain a confident life. The success rate of hypnosis changing people’s lives for the better is far more than you can imagine. So, you should try out these techniques, where experts guide you to follow and bring about the desired change. Hypnosis is actually an easy and trustworthy process and a great alternative to build your self confidence.

Another alternative is changing your perception. Yes, it makes a big difference at the way you look at life. The world looks at you, the way you portray yourself to them. If you feel confident, it will be shown in your actions. Everything seems hard at the first time. However, the moment you start practicing it, all becomes easier. To build self-confidence is just the same. You may find it hard to develop it at first, but once you gain confidence and have it in you, you can change the world around you.

Fearing rejection or failure will certainly make you unsuccessful. However, taking risks and being bold would turn your failure to success. Remember, your failures would guide you further to take a step ahead and help you work and improvise on your weaknesses. A self confident person is always ready to take risk and at the same time is prepared to accept both failure and success. Being realistic will help you accept the failures easily. Trust me, there is no person who has been successful without tasting failure. Thus, learn to take the risk and you can move ahead in life.

Instead of focusing more on your weaknesses, it is best to focus on your strengths and see how you can make them to work. Each individual has a distinctive quality that can make him/her stand apart in the crowd. You need to realize it and polish it to achieve your goals. Each achievement will boost your confidence urging you to do even better every time. Try loving yourself and feel good about what you are. Change the perception of life, which will help you progress and develop self-confidence.